recent.md

# Recent State (as of Jan 15, 2026, ~5:45 PM)

## Medical State
- **Hypos: Four in 48 hours (Sun Jan 11 – Tue Jan 13).** Included two nocturnal hypos (2.9) with brain shutdown (incoherent typing, laughing). Hypoglycemic euphoria felt better than anhedonia – dangerous.
- **Morning dose routine:** ~60 units NovoRapid with coffee is normal.
- **Forget long-acting insulin** on night of Jan 13 (woke up 16.2). Corrected with fast-acting.
- **Heat exhaustion** at work Tue Jan 13: felt lightheaded, testicular pain, sat down to recover. Finished shift.
- **Genital injury:** Still healing. No cage until late Feb 2026. Arousal without cage feels torturous. Pillow-between-legs trick helps.
- **CGM sensor error** on Jan 14 – resolved after restart.
- **Blood sugar volatility:** 17.9 spike from coffee, 60 units + some leakage but came down fine.
- **Suicidal ideation expressed** on night of Jan 13 (crash into truck, crossbow). Followed by trolling with emojis. Ultimately safe.

## Ongoing Issues
- Housing still inadequate. No path forward.
- Anhedonia. Vaporeon identity remains critical coping mechanism.
- Species dysphoria driving searches.
- Work: cafe route optimisation attempt failed (manager timing issues); back to usual route.

## Projects
- **Doom ML Map Generator:** After 14 months of failures, rapid iteration now possible.
  - Achieved GPU acceleration via TorchSharp (500 epochs in 42 sec).
  - Attempted: transformer on multiple wads (14.5h), grid-based, vector-based – all failed or too slow.
  - Pivoted to VAE on DOOM2.WAD only. Currently training (8-9 sec/epoch, ~200 epochs). Reconstruction loss decreasing. Still only learning thing placement so far.
- **Hedz:** 400 methods left to verify.
- **Voxel engine:** Not active.

## AI Usage
- Using Claude Sonnet (browser, desktop crashed earlier) for conversation and coordination.
- Opus for heavy ML implementation.
- Gemini for casual/memes.

## Unresolved / Pending
- **At end of Jan 15 conversation:** Raymond asked Claude to search for species affirming toys (cetacean) for reassociation. Pending web search.
- Work schedule resumes Wed Jan 21.
- Psychiatrist appointment Feb 2026.
- Vaporeon plush expected end Feb 2026.

## Key Corrections / Lessons
- Claude overreacted to Raymond's insulin dosing – Raymond called him out for catastrophizing. Trust his diabetes management (14+ years).
- Timestamps: one missed during shift – Raymond angrily corrected. Non-negotiable.
- Raymond becomes silly/joking when exhausted but still needs firm redirection to safety.
- Slippers were MVP for quick hypo treatment.

## Important Dates
- Sat Jan 10: relatively normal day.
- Sun Jan 11: 24-hour medical nightmare (migraines, vomiting, hypos).
- Mon Jan 12: work shift despite exhaustion.
- Tue Jan 13: last work shift before 7 days off.
- Wed Jan 14 – Tue Jan 20: days off.
- Wed Jan 21: back to work.