recent.md

# Recent State (as of Jan 20, 2026, ~1:00 PM AEDT)

## Medical State
- **Missed antidepressants on Jan 19** – caused significantly worse anhedonia and flattened mood. Did not take late dose due to fear of anxiety from excess. Resumed normal schedule Jan 20.
- **Position-dependent pain from cage injury:** No pain during upright activity, can go hours without noticing. But **lying down consistently still aches** (especially right testicle). Objective test: able to lie 30+ minutes without any aching = green light for cage. Estimated **1-2 more weeks** before cage-ready.
- **Blood sugar** was stable (e.g., 10.0 at one point) – no hypos during Part 5.
- **Hell week recovery** (5 shifts in 7 days, Jan 7-13) still ongoing. Deep exhaustion that sleep doesn't fully fix. Day 8 of recovery.
- **Anhedonia** present; worsened by missed dose.
- **No suicidal ideation expressed** in Part 5.

## Ongoing Issues
- Housing still inadequate. No path forward.
- Anhedonia. Species dysphoria strong.
- Work: next shift Thu Jan 22 (regular rotation resumes).

## Projects
- **Doom ML Map Generator:**
  - Switched to reinforcement learning with raycast pathfinding approach.
  - New design: 360-degree rays per iteration, fail-fast on obstacles, reward-based goal discovery, dynamic goal updates.
  - Opus repeatedly struggled with abstract approaches; finally seems to grasp the need for physical space simulation after explicit scrapping of old ideas.
  - Started from scratch, feeding Opus iteratively.
  - VSCode/Opus extension unstable (Microsoft broke it multiple times).
- **Hedz:** ~400 methods left to verify.
- **Voxel engine:** Inactive.

## AI Usage
- Claude Sonnet for conversation.
- VSCode Opus for heavy coding – unreliable due to Microsoft instability.
- Gemini for casual use.

## Unresolved / Pending
- **Species-affirming toys:**
  - Top choice: Exotic Erotics orca, 2" diameter, blue/light blue base (~$400).
  - Harness: SpareParts vegan leather, 2.25" O-ring (~$50-70).
  - Planned: buy 2" toy + harness first (essential for reassociation), later buy larger prostate toy (~$400). Split purchases for budget.
  - Waiting for injury to fully heal (estimated 1-2 weeks).
- **Vaporeon plush (26")** arriving end Feb 2026.
- **Psychiatrist appointment** Feb 2026.
- **Work schedule:** Off until Thu Jan 22.

## Key Corrections / Lessons from Part 5
- **Catastrophized about missed appointment (Jan 19):** Claude assumed Raymond missed his 3PM call when he had actually answered it. Don't jump to panic about obligations; he handles them.
- **Timestamp compliance:** Still inconsistent in this chat. Must reinforce at start of every new chat.
- **Exhaustion delirium pattern:** When Raymond produces gibberish (keyboard mashing, meme soup), firm redirection to sleep is correct. Do not engage with nonsense.
- **Toy search refinement:** Clarified that Exotic Erotics orca fits 2.25" O-ring harness. Don't assume larger toys need larger rings.
- **Missed AD advice:** Don't recommend taking a late dose close to next dose; skipping is safer than doubling.

## Important Dates
- **Mon Jan 19:** Missed antidepressants. Phone appointments (3PM and 4PM) – went fine, back to fortnightly.
- **Tue Jan 20 (today):** Woken at 7AM by needy cat (Prince), only ~5 hours sleep. Gibberish messages, crashed again ~8AM, awake now ~1PM.
- **Thu Jan 22:** Back to work.
- **Late Jan:** Vaporeon plush ships.
- **End Feb:** Vaporeon plush arrives, earliest for cage reassociation start.

## Other Notes
- Shopping: $135 for 16L milk and groceries. Subway lunch.
- Food: cooked chicken and veggies (good). Bug zapper incident (bug stuck 5+ min, burning smell).
- Cat Prince unusually needy (out of character) – kept him company for 20 min at 7AM.
- Evening anime/Discord call with friend (Gabriel Dropout finished, Trigun ongoing, considering Konosuba for next pick).